Long week. Long week that I stayed up way to late (tonight too?) and worked to meet a deadline, but still found myself wandering when I knew I shouldn't be. I need much, much, much more self control. Somewhere in my late 30s I lost what shred of it I seemed to have.
A couple nights ago T said he didn't think he was going to have a little brother or sister. I asked why, and he said because he didn't have one already. I was so tempted, as I have been a few times, to tell him that I had been pregnant that we had hoped that just after his fifth birthday we would be welcoming a sibling... but neither B or I said anything. I wanted also to tell him that we would be starting to try again. Of course he doesn't know we have been on hiatus, but here we are again.
I got my period almost like clockwork at five weeks past the D&C - Tuesday morning in the Dulles airport. Funny how that worked. I had not wanted it on our vacation (tampons + pool = bleh) and was a little concerned - would my period come at four or five weeks? I read more women (anecdotal) get it at five, so I hoped.
So, now it is pee on a stick and check the monitor time again. Now it is get ready for baby dancing again. Um, yeah, that is if I ever get in bed when B is still awake and T is not in our bed. Which hasn't happened in awhile, except for last night when I was almost comatose immediately.
Speaking of which, T slept through the night last night in his own bed! First time in a month perhaps. We both checked on him this morning having that slight ache in our stomachs - please have him be OK, please don't have him have suffocated... But he was all snug as a bug in a rug. B eventually pulled the duvet off him and the little sneaky one pulled it back up. This is new - generally he gets himself out from under the covers then complains of being cold- new found skill this cover pulling.
Since I haven't written about our Hawai'i trip I'll write it here. Last week (Jan 10) would have marked the start of the 2nd trimester. Last week I was preoccupied with work and deadlines and lack of sleep and slacking off, and... I mostly had forgotten it (except for checking, TMI alert, the color of the blood and wondering when my period would end.) But In Kaua'i I thought a bunch of times about how I'd imagined being pregnant when we there and how I would bulge in my swimsuit and be really thinking about maternity clothes, and names, and all that maternity stuff - how we would have told T he was going to be a big brother and he would be excited and curious and ask a million questions. I bet if he saw a pregnant women (and there were several) he would have told them, "my mommy is pregnant too!" And if he hadn't I would have. But no, I wasn't and so I just thought about that stuff in a semi-detached way. I was amazed at the number of couples we saw with little itty-bittys and many young ones. Of course I noticed them all.
Could write more, but must go to bed.
But oh, we came home from the tropical paradise to a paralyzed city of snow and ice. Ice, ice, ice and lots of accidents. Worked from home all week. T's school was closed most of the week and all area school systems were closed all week. Two very different weeks (not that Kaua'i was hot - I didn't get hot once though I did wear skirts and shorts and short sleeves.)