Just a quick little thought...it's supposedly that fertile time of the month. My body is primed and my boobs are sore. Last week, Tuesday in fact, my Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor jumped from one line to two, indicating High Fertility. I nearly jumped for joy, as I was starting to get in a funk. It was day seventeen of my cycle and I was starting to lose hope that I would ovulate, despite starting the cycle with a really good period. Cause you see, this cycle started on day twenty one of the last cycle - so 17 to 20, not much time! Anyway there are a couple little things coinciding, though they might all be silly, they could be signs. Time, short time, will tell.
One year ago today I was one day away from the D&C to remove my dead blueberry girl. I was several days past learning of her demise and I was walking around in a fog of tiredness from decreased thyroid function and a body that didn't know it wasn't still pregnant. While I had really hoped I'd already be pregnant by this time this year (thus the drugs in March, the depression later), I have heard of it taking many women a year to get pregnant after a loss - many get pregnant one year later. So...
Then many women on my over 40 and TTC chat board have mentioned they have gotten pregnant while sick. I am sick, B was sick... we did the dance at just about the height of my cold.
And the big one... Last year, just before or just after I found out I was pregnant, T had a dream that I was. Children are often open and psychic to these kinds of things. Last night as we laid down to read, T patted my chest. "Ow, ow, ow!" I said. "Why does it hurt?" T asked. I said, "Sometimes it just does." "Oh I know!" T exclaimed with a smile, "You are making milk! You have a baby in your tummy!" Now since I just reached, according to the CBEFM, peak fertility that day (or maybe Sunday as I forgot to test that morning and don't know) I shouldn't really be pregnant yet, though maybe the egg released earlier in the day, and B's sperm met it and maybe... I can hardly contain my excitement over my possibly psychic boy.
Maybe oh maybe the stars have aligned. Maybe at this time of hope and peace (advent) and expectancy and wonder, this time of preparation for a birth... maybe an ongoing prayer for a healthy child can be granted. Maybe oh maybe my little LM or ML/MG or W can join us, is coming back, is ready to come to Earth. Maybe oh maybe T can be right again. ... Fingers crossed.